Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
