Sry I called you an 8
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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