there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
