I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
