She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
