He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
