When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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