Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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