Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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