You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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