Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
