I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
People with herpes should wear stickers.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
