textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You smell like stripper and shame
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
