I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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