My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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