At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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