I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
