take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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