I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
