that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
