Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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