Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
