I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
