Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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