i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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