How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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