don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
