im six kinds of drunk right now
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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