you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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