This is not my ceiling
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
