You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
