I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
