So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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