If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
