whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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