How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
