If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
