she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
