They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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