i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
