There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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