Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
