you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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