We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
