i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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