just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
