So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
