I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
