You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
