It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize