I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
