I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
