Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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