I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
