Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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