I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
