This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
