I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
