Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
