WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
