I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
