Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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