Whod you bang
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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