I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
