I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
