She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
