girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
