I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Randomize