oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
