is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
