im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
