I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize