True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
