I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
