So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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