i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
