I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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