Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
