He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
