C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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