After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
NoShamevember. You game?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
