this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
