oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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