so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When are your genitals available?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
