Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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