I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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