last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize