the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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