Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
