i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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