Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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