...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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