nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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