I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
